HPLX.NET CONTESTS May 1998: Other Entries

HPLX.NET CONTESTS May 1998: Other Entries

What we have here is quite probably the world's largest collection of 200LX limericks.

Thanks to everybody who entered. It's unfortunate that we don't have enough prizes to give everybody something.

Allen Solof:
If I could have but one wish granted,
from all the wonders on this planet.
I'd choose freedom, creativity
and elegant productivity.
Give me the 200LX from HP.

Andrew Lee:
They asked me, "What good can it be?"
"It's no more than a PC/XT!"
The difference is that
It's not nearly as fat
It's smaller than its manual, you see

Bill Childers:
There was this guy named Dave;
Who had many LXs, the Knave!
He yanked at his hair,
and yelled, "HP's not fair!"
So he sent one to Mack for upgrade.

Palmtops are cool, you know;
But non-HP brands blow!
And WindowsCE sucks,
Bill Gates is in a rut!
So back to the 200LX we go!

WWW/LX kicks ass,
It lets you surf real fast.
I used it so much, you see,
that I paid the $89 fee,
in hopes that D&A Software will last!

Brian Link:
Here I sit ready to take a control systems test,
     I am prepared with the tool that I like the best.
My Hp200LX is for me. Some people look with
    lust and jealously, because they know how much
this little box can do and don’t forget its peculiar
     hue of blue. It makes their calculators look so
minimal, after the test I feel like a criminal.   Maybe
     I’m Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry, solving equations,
using Derive, without making myself dreary. I just hope
     the professor doesn’t catch me using it this way or
she might make me put it away. As John Big Bootie once
     said "laugh all you want monkey boy" My Hp has got
to be the coolest toy.

Chris Hoover:
I have a palmtop from HP
That's as powerful as my PC
It runs IP sockets,
And fits in my pockets,
So I don't have to use WinCE

On HP's 200 I'll toot
WinCE? I don't give a hoot.
From two double-A's
I get 33 days
and pick up my mail to boot.

My brain has a hard plastic case
With '200LX' on its face
If I leave it at home
then from work I must roam,
and make a trek back to my place

Darren Frick:
I knew a man - I won't namedrop,
Who had no life - no, I can't stop...
He charged us to see,
Though not for free,
how many words rhyme with "palmtop".

The letters seem made up on whims--
Quite vague, like gregorian hymns.
Take this one, ok?:
"P", "C", "M", "C", "I", "A":
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Ancronymns.

A lousy cook whose name was Bill
Cooked up a new OS on his grille.
I nibbled a bit,
then I took a byte.
As you can guess I was ill.

How many times have I told you
to put away all of your toys?
This LX I stepped on
kept on and kept on
Making a loud beeping noise.

I sit here and think to myself
If I had Bill Gates' kind of wealth
I'd get a good haircut,
or at least wear a helmut
To cover my cranial shelf.

Bills boat met a storm on the ocean
The crew shook with fear at the motion
Overboard he went
for they knew it meant
It would end the sea's great commotion.

These limericks, they now start to tire me.
If I don't stop you're going to fire me.
If I keep feeding,
You will stop reading.
If you want more you know how to wire me.

Now all of my posts to the newsgroups
consist of limericks that confuse groups
Write them, I will,
With or without skill
To the point that they'll call themselves blues groups!

Big Bill says it is merely a pest.
Because he has not yet confessed
A slow CPU
A six-forty view.
But still outperforms all the rest.

Leave me alone! "On, on, let me drone."
My LX compells me to moan.
Out words will creep
to put you to sleep.
In limericking I'll have no clone.

Lets take CE users and quiz 'em.
A computer-ese catechism.
Ah, what's the use.
They'll need an excuse.
Well call it some kind of " 'ism "

I dropped my lx on a cowchip.
It really made me curl my top lip.
I was mad for sure
to have to endure.
That senseless and demeaning hardship.

"Humility es mi amigo".
We say, as on our way we go.
Though we must admit,
that as we show it,
Our palmtop sure inflates our ego.

Some men in white coats came a-riding.
To bring me to a place of chiding.
Before going in,
they searched to the skin -
My palmtop was no trouble hiding. ;-o

I once took my lx to nantucket,
Where I dropped it into a bucket!
The bucket was filled--
my spirits were killed.
Should have kept it in my pocket!

Remember my grief in Nantucket?
My lx, and how I did muck it?
I dried it, and tried it.
It seems I'd not fried it.
And now always I'll safely tuck it.

I prayed to the Lord on a Sunday.
I fasted in ashes on Monday.
Lord I beg Thee still,
if it be Thy Will,
Oh God, fix my hinge crack please one day?

I'm doing an LX based limrick
to prove that I am not a dim-whit.
Loaded the thesaurus
And began to parse,
But could not think of what to begin with.

I ...
crumple crumple crumple ...
...

Dave Thompson:
There once was a palmtop guy: David
Whose data was not always sav-ed
Then the battery, it died
And the poor owner, he cried
On Al's list he ranted and rav-ed

Davis Chapel:
There once was a woman so scorned
Her husband's attention she mourned
So she took his HP
Threw it out of a tree
And now he is very forlorned

--Mrs. Davis Chapel (requesting that Mack perform a downgrade to Mr.
Chapel's palmtop.)

...and the rebuttal...

My palmtop flew out of a tree
Propelled by the wife's jealousy
My gal has me pegged
So to Mack I begged
Send an upgrade A-S-A-P

--Mr. Chapel (still forlorned and would love the upgrade if he could
only find all the parts)

Doric Swain:
* A company exec. too well funded
Had his budget seriously plundered
"Sell the company car
And the conference room bar
But please leave the HP200 !"

I know you had a "no smut" restriction, so this is for people whose
gratification is not necessarily sensual:

* He said "I delight in exploring the pecs
Of young ladies with exquisite necks
In my bedroom, at leisure
We explore intense pleasure
Of the games on my 200LX"

Gordon Hlavenka:

I bought a palmtop in Nantucket;
It was cheap, and it came in a bucket.
The screen is in pieces,
My wife sighs, and she says,
"Don't bring that thing home, dear, just chuck it!"

Ian Butler:
A 200LX is a great source of pride;
The computer itself has an Intel inside.
The screen's somewhat dim,
And there's no 'Cycle Bin,
But my old 200 has never, _ever_ died!

Jonathan Gates:

There once was a palmtop PC,
created long 'fore windows CE.
It's users thought shrewdly--
it even has a GUI!
And runs productive software, 1-2-3.

There once was a tiny computer,
which helped to ensnare a looter,
it scanned in her photo
and tracked down her moto,
then e-mailed the police to boot her.

My 200lx is a winner,
it even suggests recipies for dinner!
It's never lost information, man,
Even when I dropped it in the can!
And in size it's the best: there's none thinner.

Mark Hammont:

My 200LX was a must
Brought efficiency up from a bust
DOS,EMAIL and QUICKEN
Other Palmtops it sickens;
Franklin's Planner is now in the dust!

Optionman:
The hinge on my palmtop is broken,
The latch doesn't catch, I'm not jokin'.
But Windows CE
Is not right for me,
So "refurbished by Mack" is my slogan.

Piernicola Comuniello:

Once upon a time
Evil discovered the mouse.
So the power of your palmtops
was all drawn only by Windows.
But then HP came and said "Why bother?"
"Let the keyboards live alone
so the Dos can rule in every pocket."

Rich Johnson:

There once was a palmtop PC,
Designed by our friends at HP,
A versatile tool with plenty of applets,
Gets even better when upgraded by Baggette,
But still the user must back it, you see.

Rob Mitchell:

Here's my limerick entry! Actually it's more of a song to be hummed to the
tune of a favorite Stephen Foster composition! <G>

HP palmtops save the day do da do da Many solutions ... not just one way Get
your work done right!
They work all day They work all night with only just one charge Save $$$ on
batteries.
Drop it from the top of the stairs do da do da Watch it bounce as you pull out
your hair! It's made to last.
Take it too the beach take it to the woods do your work wherever you are just
keep it clean.
Run MS-DOS without a hitch do da do da Run old games without a fix On a small
screen.
Sync to the atomic clock The alarm will wake you up Get to work just in time!
Don't forget your palmtop!
Note your checks where you are do da do da cash transactions not too far
accounts balance just fine
Who uses cc:Mail? Noone Noone Useless app built inside I've used it once!
Send faxes from the beach do da do da long before that of AT&T Can you believe
the hype?
Palmtoppers are a special club do da do da they share just one love And swap
tips for hours!

Steven Lawson:

In Birmingham lives a guy known as Mack,
who bought broken HPs by the sack.
He hacked and he soldered,
and, when asked why he bothered,
he responded "It needs a light in the back!"

Well, Mack found a spot for some ram.
And a crystal that made the thing jam.
But the light's still elusive
and, though not quite conclusive,
another guy might have a plan..

I'm talking about David, doncha know.
He'll make our tiny displays glow.
So, guys and goils,
pray for those tiny coils,
Who cares about "battery low!"

There once was a palmtop from Nantucket
Whose owner decided to chuck it
With innocent glee,
he bought Windows CE
The following day he said "Oh... darn."

Alan Striegel:
That holster you're seeing me wear,
Does not hold a weapon. Don't stare!
The palmtop it holds
Is worth its weight in gold.
So I take it with me everywhere.

The subject is palmtop PCs.
They're spreading like some dread disease.
The 200's the best,
You can dump all the rest.
Especially Windows CE's!

You can keep your Palm Pilots and WinCE,
with the Psions and Newtons too, since,
I've kissed too many frogs,
And some battery hogs.
The 200LX is a prince!

The scion of software glanced down,
Face clouded above a dark frown,
"How can Win CE win,
'Til the smart ones trade in,
All the HP DOS palmtops around?"

The palmtop recorded his life.
He loaned it one day to his wife.
It was lost in the bay,
The waves swept it away,
He ended his pain with a knife.

The HP 200LX,
Won't help you build deltoids or pecs.
Its weight is so small,
If you notice at all,
It requires no muscles to flex.

Tim S.:

HP created the pocket brain
It keeps amazing us again and again
It surfs, emails, and faxes too
Runs circles around what WinCE can do
If Microsoft asks 'Where do you want to go today?'
Say 'DOS 6.22, we want the power to play!'

TimeTracker, ABC, and WEB/LX too
D&A Software makes such valuable tools
Times2 Tech's upgrades are by nature you see
Engineered the way HP should be
Thaddeus Computing puts out a paper
It keeps us informed, not a day later
These service providers are a dying breed
Please keep up the work, your services we need

The palmtop that keeps going and going
HP makes it, the users keep growing
If you need a pocket solution
For HP make a resolution
And your smile, you won't keep from showing

HP200LX is a marvelous machine
It was built tough and very lean
Palmtops come and palmtops go
But HP's DOS steals the show
Remember this fact if you want to be keen
Windows get dirty but DOS stays clean

32, eight, four, or two
The number of megabytes is up to you
Commercial, shareware, freeware abound
Thousands of software titles all around
Own a HP palmtop and you just can't lose
Because only a DOS palmtop gives you freedom to choose

HP made this palmtop you see
Its OS is DOS, as a computer should be
You ask, 'Will WinCE win?
We'll only grin
Break the Windows, and set yourself free

Where do you want to go today?
What nerve! ...What a thing to say!
What WinCE limits
Hewlett Packard permits
No thanks, we'll go our OWN way!

DOS is king of palmtops, we know this is TRUE
If you go with anything else, you'll only be BLUE
If production you wish
HP will dish
And soon, you'll have a valuable TOOL

(HP200LX the TRUE-BLUE TOOL:-))

WWW/LX, Quicken, Lotus, just a sample are these
All are full programs, not just a tease
HP can surf and fax
So you can relax
With Hewlett Packard, life is a breeze

Tom LaRoche:
I have a palmtop PC
It came direct from HP.
It functions in DOS,
(CE's such a loss!)
We're a team, my LX and me!

William England:
Why would I want Windows CE
When I have my palmtop HP?
It is a safe bet,
While CE ain't yet
And I'm in good company!

How do I rate a PC?
First, do I take it with me?
Next, does it chime,
to keep me on time?
Last, is it made by HP?

Thanks to everybody who entered, and I apologize in advance for any errors I made during copy-and-pasting the above entries to this page.